The Solution

Global warming is apparantly some type of poblem for people today. Me, being an American, don't really have to change anything according to our politicians. All the Republicans maintain that either it won't affect us, basically a giant storm cloud that will fly right over us and rain on all the less important countries (everyone else), or; the roblem is real but we are going to be raptured up to heaven in six or seven days (according to your interpretation), and we'll just leave the pagan worshipers ans Jews to deal with the problem.
Well, scientists say that if we don't change our ways soon, then some bad shit is about to go down. Even though America is fairly bad at listening to science when it comes to death of hundreds of thousands of people (Salem Witch Trials, Hurricane Katrina, Nagasaki, Social Security, I can go on), I for one know that this simple country would rather think that Jesus is coming then buy a smaller car. So what is it that we should do? Well, in order to do anything big here we have to please all the congress and the president at the same time, therefore we have to satisfy their better interests (people who give them money). So this project has to be an all win situation. We have to be able to stop the effects of global warming, and it has to be multi useful so that nearly all large companieswill fund some part of it, so that way taxes don't rise.

So here's my plan. We build levee around the US and allied nations, so just the US. Now, this levee would have to have an oil pipeline, so the oil companies fund it, a computing center, so Microsoft funds it, a garden so liberals fund it, a pharmaceutical testing center so the drug companies fund it, a sniper post along the border areas so the NRA and republicans fund it, and some kind of power plant so that the energy companies fund it.

It will be the largest project this country has seen since rebuilding the World Trade Center (oh wait that's not done yet is it? Wow, that was mean, even for me). I'm telling you, this will invigorate our economy past the point that George has taken it (anything forward, therefore, would be invigorating). This would then allow us to continue being rich, snobby, gas hogging slobs, with the added affect of being further isolated from outside ideas. Of course, trade would continue, but those countries that want to trade with us must fly in their products over the 200,000 foot wall, quickly excluding all the poor countries, (its better that way).

Then once the flood waters come from our horrible and unchanging environmental atrocities, we will be completely unaffected, but more than that, all kinds of other positive aspects will come from this.

To commemorate the wall and make it some kind of art project (like the Berlin wall, but bigger), we would let all the poor "artists" to write on the outside of the wall, as long as they promise to stay there, therefore getting even more money from the conservatives. Heck, with all the money flowing in from all these angles, we could get rid of the national debt. Or start a war with Russia. So after we kill those bastards with our super weapons payed for by the giant wall, we would put a giant wall around them, so that we can tap into the oil there. Then, we wouldn't need anyone to import anything, and seeing that it would be way too expensive anyways, there's no point in any other country trying. So we would finally live in peace, behind our super wall, and no wars would ever be necessary again. Then Jesus will come.