Letter From Dave

I get these letters from time to time from a midget named Dave who has recently gone on a world adventure before he dies of restless leg syndrome in 27 years. Anyways, he asks that I post these so that he feels as though he is immortal, despite the fact that my entire demographic is stoners and bored people with an entire viewer base of 12 people, 12 very stoned, very bored people.

Dear John,

I just landed in the Galapagos islands area after our boat crashed and a majority of the crew was eaten by creepy half ape, half evangelical who hadn't repented that day. Anyways, Ive been here for about 37 days searching for a good signal on my Sprint Internet card. In my search for a proper signal I met a man named Charlie. Apparently he has been stranded here for quite some time after some convention in 1869 and he has somehow managed to survive on nothing but berries and those half ape people. He's a very astute and wise man, but he has a lot of creepy twitches whenever you mention the catholic church. Anyways, it turns out that Charlie has found this tribe of little people that he exploits for stem cells so he can live forever. It's really neat because they praise him like he was a god or something, they're so cute. Oh, the little people are taking me to a local deli where you can get the finest meats around, and although there are no animals or boats that go in or out, they seem to manage from what they call "foreign meat leftover from the wrecks." It will assuredly be great.

Till next time,

Dave